


My Sanctuary

by deathtoonormalcy



Series: My Sanctuary [1]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Cambion, Cas is a good mom, Fallen Angels, Gabriel is a good brother, Jealousy, M/M, Metatron is a douchelord, Mpreg, Nephilim, Pining, Sam is my favorite, Season 9, Series, Slow Build
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-09-10
Updated: 2013-09-10
Packaged: 2017-12-26 04:41:22
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 18,254
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/961675
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/deathtoonormalcy/pseuds/deathtoonormalcy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"May I ask you something?" Castiel asked. The Biggersons was empty, other than the man.</p><p>Castiel could see an angel slowly walking down the long stretch of road outside the large windows. The female was dragging her legs, eyes blank, without purpose. Castiel withheld tears.</p><p>"Depends." The man grunted, wiping down a counter in the silent restaurant. They were the only two in the room. Castiel could hear the clanging of pots and pans in the back from the cook. Low music settled warmly around them, easing Castiel in a way it had never done before.</p><p>"How do-What do I do? I am human now, but I don't know what to do." Castiel whispered, staring up at the man. The man stared past Castiel, watching the angel drag herself down the road, her hair sticking to her face as it begun to rain.</p><p>"I don't know. I think we humans are just as lost as you angels."</p>
            </blockquote>





	My Sanctuary

Castiel is shaking.

A very human, very weak reaction but he is trembling terribly. He licks his lips as he looks up with wide eyes at Metatron.

"Don't-" He rasps out, and it's so broken and low he's almost positive Metatron didn't hear. The scribe flicks the blade in his hand, holding a bottle which will contain his grace.

"Disgusting." Metatron sneered, looking down at him with repulsion. Even though Metatron is not his most beloved brother, he is still family and it hurts. Castiel shuts his eyes.

"Please, you don't understand." Castiel knows that Metatron hates Nephilim, Castiel himself had killed the only one on earth. To try and destroy the vicious secret he was hiding. But no more, he couldn't risk the little seed of life settling in his belly.

"Metatron, brother-" Castiel begs, tears slipping down his cheeks as he pulls against the restraints.

Metatron slides the angel blade across his throat, and he whimpers. His grace pours out into the bottle, leaving him feeling sick and heavy. The dread that settles over him makes him nauseous, a feeling he's never had. His stomach rolls heavily and he tries to sit up so he doesnt vomit.

"Don't worry, Castiel. I'll let your abomination live for now. If only for the story of it's death in the future." Metatron grinned, eyes empty of anything but malicious intent. Castiel felt the burn of pain and whimpered.

"The angel with too much heart. All that love will crush you." Metatron's voice faded.

Everything flashed dark and when he awoke, it was on the forest floor.

Castiel had no idea where he was, but he was cold. Everything was blazing. Even though it was dark, everything was vivid and strong. He could smell and hear, and  _feel_.

His fingers accidentally brushed a tiny sprout and he felt a smile tug his lips. Just like the dim beginnings of life in his belly, this plant to would grow one day. Sitting up Castiel touched his stomach, searching for the soul sitting wrapped safely in the last remnants of grace.

His chest throbbed when he realized he would no longer be able to offer that protection.

He needed to find Dean.

Dean would protect him ...

and their unborn child.

* * *

"Come on, little brother." Dean grunted, hefting his not so little brother into the Impala. Sam groaned, weak from blood loss and the trials.

"Where-" Sam's voice cracked and he winced, doubling over and clutching his forearms.

"Hospital, I saw one a few miles away." Dean promised, settling in the front seat before speeding off.

Sam fell asleep, snoring softly. His head lolled on Dean's shoulder, but Dean didn't shove him off like he would usually do.

Dean drove fast, trying not to look at the sky. It had been several minutes now. Still the streaks where blurring the sky, like stars or comets ripping down into the earth. Lighting up the night like golden rain, pouring down to earth.

Everyone would know now. They couldn't deny the existence of the supernatural when fucking angels were landing on their doorsteps.

Dean swerved out of the road, an older angel landing there in flames.

It wasn't Cas. Dean kept driving.

He arrived at the hospital and it was in chaos. People were bringing in the angels. the angels were sobbing, wailing like lost children and clinging to the humans who held them.

"My wings!" One cried, a man with dark red hair and broad shoulders. The other man gritted his teeth, a shorter blonde. He hefted him up.

"It's gonna be okay." He promised the angel in a broken voice, smoothing a hand down the singed remains of the angels immaculate suit.

Dean flinched hard, it reminded him of Cas.

"My brothers hurt." He told one of the nurses, she barely spared him a glance.

"You're going to have to wait, sir." She said hurriedly, not even stopping for them. Dean scowled, shouldering his still half asleep brother. Dean settled Sam in the corner of the waiting room, throwing his jacket over Sam's long body when he started shivering.

He fell asleep curled up against his brother while the angels cries chorused for the entire night.

* * *

Castiel stumbled into a Biggersons. Everywhere was chaos. People rallying together to save the angels. Pull the panicked, broken creatures from the lakes and trees. Fishing them out and drying them off. Whispering soothing words to them as they took them to the churches. It seemed only right, and they had no where else to go.

"You an angel?" Cas was asked as soon as he stepped into the diner. The man looked wary, he reminded Castiel of Bobby in many ways. His belly pushed at the buttons in his shirt.

"Not anymore." Castiel whispered, staring up at him. The mans lips pursed.

"I can call someone to pick you up, take you to the church down the road. A few of your ... a few other angels came in here earlier." The man said, rubbing his knuckles over the his beard.

"That won't be necessary. I have caretakers." Castiel informed, settling in a chair. His brothers and sisters where all here, on earth. Shattered and stripped of their wings.

What would they do now?

"May I have coffee?" Castiel asked, looking up at the man mournfully. His stomach felt strange, perhaps some fluids would help.

He rooted around in his pocket but only found a receipt for the beef jerky, porn, and beer he had purchased for Dean in hopes of getting his forgiveness. Dean was very stubborn.

"I do not have money." Castiel admitted with a sigh. He wished it was a couple hundred years before, where humans still used trade. He could perhaps give him his coat, or the watch that Jimmy had left in one of his pockets and it was still their.

"Don't worry about it." The man said, setting a cup down in front of Castiel. He also returned a few minutes later with a plate containing a piece of toast, eggs, and a small side of fruit. Castiel hesitated before eating.

Humans required food frequently, and he was now a human. Who knew when he would next get a meal.

"May I ask you something?" Castiel asked. The Biggersons was empty, other than the man.

Castiel could see an angel slowly walking down the long stretch of road outside the large windows. The female was dragging her legs, eyes blank, without purpose. Castiel withheld tears.

"Depends." The man grunted, wiping down a counter in the silent restaurant. They were the only two in the room. Castiel could hear the clanging of pots and pans in the back from the cook. Low music settled warmly around them, easing Castiel in a way it had never done before.

"How do-What do I do? I am human now, but I don't know what to do." Castiel whispered, staring up at the man. The man stared past Castiel, watching the angel drag herself down the road, her hair sticking to her face as it begun to rain.

"I don't know. I think we humans are just as lost as you angels." The man said, lips pursed as he continued wiping the counter.

* * *

Dean sits next to his brother in the hospital bed.

They've set up homes, mostly religious people have been creating foster homes for the angels to go to. To learn humanity and how to start leading regular human lives.

Much to everyone's surprise the angels don't remember much. All they remember is having a home and loosing it. They're devastated and almost childlike in their tearful naivety. Latching onto humanity even after scorning it for so long.

Dean finds it ironic and pathetic.

"Dean?" Sam groans blearily, face worn and tired. Dean can't get over how old Sam looks, like he's aged fifty years in a matter of months.

How could he have let his baby brother gone through this? He should have done more research. Should have digged more. He should have been the one to do the trials, because if he had done it, he could have finished it.

Sam could go back to Amelia, and Cas could ... What would Cas do?

His thoughts kept running back to the angel. His angel.

All of the angels seemed to be experiencing amnesia, whether it be from trauma or from the fall. Either way, Cas might have it too and the thought was terrifying.

If Cas didn't remember him ... he didn't know what he'd do.

"I'm here, Sammy." Dean soothes, running a hand over his clammy forehead. Sam mutters something.

"What?" Dean asks leaning closer.

"Castiel?" Sam croaks, fingers grasping air where Cas's hand should be. Dean doesn't know how he did it, but Cas has wormed his way right in between the two Winchesters. The missing piece to their small broken family.

"I'm gonna find him, Sammy. I'll bring him back to us." Dean promises his brother right before he drifts off into sleep.

* * *

As the months go on Castiel's belly swells. He feels ill, and achy. He throws up at the scents that are too sharp, and he is irritable.

But worst of all he is alone.

He had yet to find Dean, the first few weeks he had searched. Asking anyone if they knew a 'Dean Winchester'. But Sam and Dean where hunters and off the radar, no one would know them. Castiel had no way of finding them.

He had been forced to live at one of the Angel Sanctuaries. It was a large Victorian home. All angels where required to live in these until the government figured out to do with these once powerful and ancient creatures.

The two angels who became closest to him where the female he had seen dragging herself down the road, and an angel whose vessel had strange auburn hair.

The female was his sister named Nuriel, she was the angel of hailstorms. The sky had cried when she left. She was most at home in the water, and the old woman who ran the home was always chastising her for sitting in the shower under the spray.

Zophiel was always a sort of outcast from the other angels. He was grim and devout, much like Castiel he had a fascination with humanity. He was a spy of heaven, he had brought many to justice but inevitable he was alone.

Zophiel had been affected most by humanity. His vessel was a very tall young man with dark orange hair and a square jaw, he was fascinated with everything. Especially the young man who assisted his grandmother in caring for the angels.

"Luke." Zophiel murmured reverently. Luke looked up at him with a scowl. Luke was a short man, and no older than nineteen. His blonde hair was cropped close to his head and was always sticking up messily, it was at odds with his thick dark eyebrows.

"What do you want, Zee?" Luke sighed, Zophiel followed him constantly, a tall dark shadow that plagued the poor young man.

"My nose, it's broken." Zophiel complains lightly, towering over the much smaller man. Zophiel is Sam's height at least. Castiel has to arch his head back to see him properly.

Luke sighs dramatically, reaching into his back pocket and pulling out a pill bottle he carefully deposits one into Zophiel's much larger hands.

"It's not broken. You have allergies. We've talked about this." Luke says, reaching for some tissue paper which he hands to the tall man. Zophiel holds the box and looks down at it curiously. Luke raises his eyes to the ceiling and pulls out a tissue, pressing it up to Zophiel's nose.

"Blow." He demands. Zophiel exhales through his mouth, and Luke groans.

"Through your nose!" Luke snaps, and Zophiel flinches. Luke catches the movement and guilt flashes over his face, he finishes tending to Zophiel carefully.

"I shouldn't have yelled at you." Luke mutters, patting Zophiel's shoulder. The large angel pushes against his hand, narrow pale brown eyes cautious but eager.

Castiel looks away from them. Their budding friendship reminds him too much of Dean. The human he had loved and lost.

"Castiel, are you still feeling ill?" Nana, as everyone had taken to calling the elderly woman who housed them asked. She was stout, and wore wobbly glasses on the tip of her nose. She was a kind old woman, if not a bit naive. Luke had taken up the role as enforcer in the household, when angels misbehaved.

"I'm well." Castiel lied, sitting on his cot. He shared a room with Zophiel and Nuriel. Nana had at first been outraged at the idea of their vessels sharing a room when they're genders were different, but Castiel assured them that they were brothers and sisters. As if sexual relations would be an issue at a time like this.

"You look paler than normal." She frowned, touching his cheek. Castiel sometimes thought that she was sharper than she let on.

"I'm fine." Castiel repeated, looking to Nuriel who was trailing her fingers in a large bowel of water Luke had set out for her, if only to keep her from using all the water in the showers.

"Grace still lingers in the pit of despair." Nuriel croons, rolling onto her back. She dumps the water bowel over her face and Luke groans.

"Nuriel!" He complains, grabbing a towel and dabbing at her long brown hair. She blinks up at the ceiling. Nuriel's vessel was younger than all of theirs, she is a girl of fifteen at most.

"Pathetic." Sidriel flares from the hallway. His angel is a man in his thirties.

"Hold your tongue, brother." Zophiel hisses, glaring down at him. Zophiel's personality changed rapidly when he felt his kin threatened. He looked at Nuriel worriedly. The girl frowned as Luke dried her off.

"... and so the human plucked the creature from the sea, and took the very life from it's breast. Forcing the ..." Luke threw his hands in the air.

"Fine! I'll get your bath ready, happy?" He spat, stomping into bathing room. Nana snickered, patting Sidriel's side as she passed. The grumpy angel slept in the room across the hall with the others. He followed Nana out, sending one last glare to the three of them.

* * *

"We've been to every angel sanctuary from California to Kansas. He's not here." Sam scowls, pushing open the door. Dean ignores him, flicking open his cellphone as a Priest approaches.

"May I help you?" He asks, appraising them.

"Looking for our angel. About yay high. Big blue peepers, wears a trenchcoat." Dean says, holding his hand in the air and showing the Priest a picture on his phone. Castiel is squinting as the flash of the camera streaks over his face.

"I'm afraid we don't have any angels here that have vessels matching this ones." The priest comments. It's so weird to Dean that civilians know about vessels and grace now.

Dean nods, tucking his phone in his pocket and turning around.

"Dean-" Sam rasps, eyes wide. Dean blinks up at him.

"You heard the man, he's not here. Don't fucking cry, you baby. We'll find him." Dean grunts uncomfortably. He missed Cas too, but Sam had been acting like a kid who'd gotten his puppy stolen and was throwing a fit because he wasn't getting it back fast enough.

"Dean, look." Sam whispered. Dean turned and felt his face fall in shock. Standing in the hallway behind the priest was Gabriel.

"Took you long enough," Gabriel growled, shoving past the priest.

"I thought I was going to get my first communion any day now." Gabriel's sarcasm is lost in his relief. He comes to walk past the Winchesters. Walking down to the Impala and seating himself inside without another word.

"Do you know him?" The priest asks, looking weary and hopeful. No doubt he had his hands full with Gabriel as one of his angels.

"Yeah, we know him." Sam smiles shaking his head as he heads down to the car. Dean shrugs and follows.

* * *

Castiel walks through the gardens. Nuriel is holding tightly to his hand, her face twisted down into scowl.

"I like insects." Castiel says as he studies a butterfly flapping it's brilliant wings at it collects nectar.

"I don't." Nuriel says, looking sadly at the wings before looking away. Sometimes Nuriel has moments of lucidity before falling back into her traumatized state. Luke wanted to take her to a human hospital, he said they could help her better than he could. But Zophiel refused.

"Nuriel!" Castiel shouted, gripping her wrist so hard he might have bruised her. But it was too late, she had grabbed the butterfly and ripped it's wings off of it's body. The insect laid dead and crushed in her palm.

"Why would you do that?! Why?" Castiel is so angry, he should calm himself. Human bodies are fragile and he does not want to hurt the life still growing in his swollen belly. He shakes her and but she only stares down at the dead bug in her hands, rubbing it's shredded wings between her fingers, crumbling them like damp paper.

"It's like us now." She says softly, wiping her hands on her jeans. Castiel cringes, jerking away from her sharply. He starts to walk back to the house, but she stands in the garden alone, staring down at her hands.

Swallowing thickly he goes back to her and takes her hand, thumb rubbing over her wrist in a soothing motion that Dean used to provide.

"We'll get through this." Castiel says, but even to his own ears it falls flat. He cradles a hand under his belly, struggling up the stairs. Nuriel helps him, face drawn in. Castiel hobbles up the stairs and sits on his bed, breathing heavily.

Human bodies are so weak, he's amazed by how Sam and Dean had managed to keep up with the supernatural if not excelling it with so much against them.

He had a new found respect for them. Quickly he pushed the thoughts away. Earth was large, he would likely not see them again. He shouldn't hold out hope, but it still flicked along in him, side by side with his unborn child.

Castiel watched Nuriel go into their small shared bathroom, she didn't bother shutting the door. She pulled the knob and stood under the spray, her dirty bare feet making the water muddy a moment before it washed away all the dirt on her, cleaning her hands of the butterflies remains.

Castiel watched her rest her forehead against the wall, her clothes were wet and clung to her small body. She slide down, chin resting on her knees before she curled up and let out a single dry sob.

Castiel watched her weep. Unable to shed a tear for himself.

He had lost so much, he had lost his grace, and his family, he had lost the man he loved enough to defy heaven for. He had lost so much but he was still alive, and Metatron had spared the nephilim in his womb. The only thing left that connected him to Dean.

"Why has he abandoned us? Why does he vanish like the water down the drain." Nuriel asked, touching the metal circle with little holes in it. Stealing her precious water she wished she could drown herself in.

"We had forgotten why we were put on earth, we where sent to protect the humans. Perhaps we are being punished." Castiel had spent a lot of time dwelling on why this had happened. But he could come to no conclusion other than it may have been God's plan all along. To teach the angels humanity.

Naomi's last words sat heavily in his mind.

If only he could find her, and apologize. She had been trying so hard to save them all, and of course Castiel had once again been the one to lead his kind into destruction.

"Not all of us, Zophiel has always loved the humans." She says, moving to sit with her back against the wet wall. She tilts her head back to the spray, it runs down her pale cheeks and she smiles.

"Not even Zophiel's love could save us." Castiel murmured, watching out the window when Zophiel and Luke came from out of the woods. Zophiel carefully touching Luke's sleeve before they moved a respectable distance away.

Castiel shut his eyes in agony.

* * *

"Where is my brother!" Gabriel snarled. He was even bitchier now that he was human. Dean sighed, rubbing a hand over his face.

"We've searched everywh-" Dean reasoned, before getting cut off.

"Obviously not, or he would be here." Gabriel snapped, crossing his arms over his chest and glaring out the window.

"Why are you so worried about him, Cas can handle himself." Dean grunted. Gabriel looked away, nervously shifting in the back seat.

"He shouldn't have too." Gabriel had heard of Castiel's condition from one of his spies up in heaven who kept tabs on his favorite little rebel that could. When Gabriel had heard the rumor ... he had been shocked to say the least.

Who knew sweet little pure Cas would get knocked up, and by a Winchester no less.

Or at least he assumed it was one of the Winchesters. Cas spent all of his time on earth with the men.

"Something you want to share?" Dean asked, voice tight with suspicion. Gabriel had forgotten so much of his home, but he was still an archangel and he was less affected then the other angels. He thinks if he really concentrates he can still feel traces of grace lingering in his vessel.

"Not with you." Gabriel snarks, hooking a chin over the front seat of the Impala. The younger Winchester was still not recovered from the trials and slept more often than usual, dozing in the passenger seat.

"You should tell us if Cas is in danger." Sam murmurs groggily, turning subconsciously towards his brothers warmth. Gabriel will never admit to finding the humans strange codependency endearing. It was something he longed for with his older brothers, but never received.

"He'll be fine on his own. He always is." Dean grits out bitterly, he sounds as if he's trying to convince himself more than them.

* * *

Castiel lays in bed. Nuriel sits at his side, usually blank eyes are alert. The sound of Bach's Chaconne for the Violin swirls around the room.

"You are with child." Zophiel states, standing protectively in front of the door. If the other angels knew ... Castiel didn't wish to think of it.

"Yes." He breathes, eyes raised heavenward. He prays, hoping his father will help the painful aches in his belly. Within the month he will give birth. He is unsure how to do so with a male vessel, Metatron seemed to alter his womb to allow the child to grow.

"I will protect you." Zophiel swallows loudly. Nuriel is silent at his bed side, sitting on her knees as she rests her cheek in the palm of his hand. She doesn't say a word.

"Thank you." Castiel whispers back brokenly. He had been terrified, hiding the truth from Zophiel who was still formidable and could easily kill him and the child if he wished.

"You-Where is the man who did this?" Zophiel asks quietly, huddled against the door like he might back out at any moment.

"I don't know." Castiel admits, feeling the sweat on his brow slide down his temple. Nuriel dips a cloth in the water bucket and swabs it over his forehead.

"Do-" Zophiel's next words are cut off when Luke knocks on the door.

"Why is this door locked?" He demands, and Zophiel scrambles to unlock it. Luke looks at them suspiciously as he scolds them. Zophiel ducks his head shamefully, looking curiously at Castiel. Castiel shakes his head, already too many people know of the child.

* * *

Dean rubs his hands together against the cold. There is a small angel sanctuary just outside of town. He plans on going after he gets some grub. Gabriel complains if he doesn't have candy constantly.

Dean steps into grocery store and snags a basket up, dumping in some beef jerky and water. He's heading to get a salad from the next isle over when he spots him.

Castiel's standing in the isle, wearing a blue knitted sweater and plain jeans. His dark hair is longer and sits tousled on his forehead. He's put on some weight, and his cheeks have a pretty flush to them.

But that's not what stops him in his tracks.

It's the massive man who has a possessive hand pressed to Castiel's lower back. He's around Sam's age, with orange yellow hair and a stony, serious face. The man's hand slides up to Castiel's hip and Dean feels the hairs on the back of his neck hackle up.

"Castiel!" He shouts too loudly, anything to be seen by Castiel. His blunt fingernails are digging into his palm as he watches Castiel twist around. Blue eyes going wide when he spots Dean.

"Cas." Dean smiles, for a moment the man at his side disappears and it's just Cas. Cas. His angel. The only person who looks at him like he matters.

"You trying to give Bobby a run for his money." Dean grins as he approaches, and reaches to playfully swat Cas's belly. Castiel stumbles back and the tall redhead catches him.

Dean scowls.

"Dean ..." Castiel breathes, eyes huge as he stares at him. The ginger's hands don't leave Cas's shoulders, and Dean wants to break his fingers.

"Whose your friend?" Dean spits, annoyed that Castiel hasn't thrown his arms around him or whispered how much he's missed him. This isn't going as he planned at all. All the reunion scenarios he had definitely had not been like this.

"This is Zophiel." Cas introduced dazedly, his eyes not leaving Dean's. It was a small victory. Dean sized up Zophiel, the guy was a fucking giant.

"You an angel?" Dean asks, with a name like that it's only to be expected.

The man nods, and he isn't so scary when he's looking sort of meek behind Cas. Of course Cas would find a gentle giant, someone who would be all tender and gentle with him in a way Dean wasn't. Dean frowned harder.

"We've been looking for you." Dean says, Castiel slowly blinks before righting himself and smoothing down his baggy sweater. His belly really is big, but it sorta looks cute on him, like he might tip over.

"I-I've been in a sanctuary outside of town." Castiel explains, and he leaves the protective circle of Zophiel's arms and approaches Dean. Dean can't help it if he shoots a smug look over Cas's shoulder to Zohpiel.

"Missed you." Dean says quietly, pulling Cas into a half hug. Cas embraces him fully, wrapping himself tightly around Dean's torso, face buried in his neck. Dean grins, inhaling the smell of Cas's earthy scent.

"I thought I'd never see you again." Castiel admits, pulling Dean closer. His belly is wedged between them, round and full. Cas really needs to cut back, because there is no way he can keep up with the Winchesters if he's hefting a beer gut around. No matter how cute.

"Well, surprise." Dean grins, trying to lean back. There is only so long that two guys can hug before people start to stare. Cas doesn't want to let go, but Dean pulls back.

"We picked up a little present for you, too." Dean grins. Castiel's face drains.

"What?" He asks throatily, eyes terrified. Dean purses his lips.

"We found Gabriel, little fucker was hiding. Let's get going, they're waiting at the hotel." Dean said, moving his hand to lay low on Cas's hip. Zophiel was shifting on his feet awkwardly, but he didn't look jealous. It made Dean even more jealous. What exactly had Cas been doing while they'd been separated.

It didn't matter, they were together now and Cas was coming back with him.

"I'm going to stay." Castiel said as Dean started leading him out of the grocery store. Dean snapped him mouth shut so quickly he heard his teeth clink.

"You're what?"

"I'm staying, I have to-I've got a family here." Castiel was looking anywhere but Dean. Dean feels like a witch has just put a hex on him, like his worst nightmares are playing out in front of him.

This is what him and Cas do, they get separated, or Cas takes off. But they always come back to each other.

Always.

This whole 'I'm staying' shit is not how it works and it's pissing Dean off.

"Cas," Dean's grip his hard on his bicep, face twisted in annoyance. Castiel's always been his responsibility, Dean can't just leave him.

"I have to stay, Dean." Cas looks like he's about to faint, face pale and sweaty and his blue eyes are wide and packed with emotions Dean doesn't understand.

"Cas ..." Dean can't get out much more than his name, because he's torn between being so pissed off he wants to break something and feeling so frigging hurt he wants to cry. Cas stares up at him all sad, like he isn't the one choosing to  _leave_  Dean.

"They're my family-"

"I'm your family!" Dean shouts, and he guesses he'll settle on pissed.

"I fucking took care of you, Cas! It's always been me, you, and Sam, and now we even got Gabriel! So why aren't you coming with me, you too busy fucking Sophie over there! What's going on, huh? You better come up with a better reason before I drag you out of here, kicking and screaming!" Dean's voice is loud, and most of shoppers have stopped and stared.

Cas looks shocked when he mentions Zophiel. The shock vanishes to be replaced by Cas's favorite vicious hard stare, and Cas shouldn't be able to look so dangerous but he does. Dean know Cas, he knows he'd never hurt him. But fuck if it doesn't get him a little hot and bothered when Cas goes all Spock on him.

"I am grateful for all you have done for me. But you do not own me, Dean Winchester." Cas may not be an angel anymore but shit, he's still a fucking badass. Blue eyes all steely and focused on Dean.

Dean doesn't own him. It's stupid but it sorta hurts when Cas says it, because of course he doesn't  _own_  him. But he always felt a sorta ownership towards him him because Cas always did so much for him, like coming down to hell and picking his ass up, and starting a fucking war in heaven, and keeping him from Micheal. Cas has always been his, and Dean's always been Cas's.

But Dean can't say that so he just gets more angry.

"Fine!" Dean spits, and he's waiting for Cas to flinch and sigh and give in to Dean's tantrums, but he's not. His eyes are concrete with decision and it's making Dean panic.

"F-Fine." Dean's voice cracks and Cas turns away from him, reaching for Zophiel.

"If you fucking leave, don't you ever come back! You hear me? Never!" Dean's screaming so loud in his face Cas's ears have to hurt, and fuck he sounds just like John. Cas will know those are John's words too, but he means them.

If Cas leaves him, he doesn't want him back. Fuck that, he's had enough people abandon him. Especially Cas who likes to dance in and out of his life, and that's not how it works for Dean. You're either in or out, it's too dangerous for the people he loves.

And fuck, he loves Cas.

That's why tears are pricking at the back of his eyes, and that would be so humiliating to cry so he bites them back. But he doesn't want Cas running off with his new family. He wants Cas all to himself.

Maybe even a repeat of those drunken nights where Dean needs an excuse so he drinks to much and blames it on the alcohol. Cas just let him, Cas always just lets him do whatever he wants.

Suddenly Dean stops hyperventilating, and stops wanting to punch Cas in his face.

This is his fault. Cas must have figured out with his new found humanity that Dean had taken advantage of him. Dean had spread those pale thighs and pounded into him, and it had been wrong. Cas was a child, and Dean had fucked him. But Cas knew now what Dean had done had been wrong.

Cas probably hated him.

Dean stumbled back like Cas had clocked him. He felt the food rack sway and righted himself.

"Fine." Dean coughed, throat squeezing shut.

"Dean?" Cas murmured, stepping closer. Dean didn't remember Cas being so pretty. Eyelashes all full, lips a thick pink smear over pale skin.

"Fine, you don't want me anymore. Fine, I'm gone." Dean means to say 'us', you don't want 'us' anymore. Because Cas wasn't just leaving him, he was leaving Sam too. Sam fucking loved him, and he was going to be heartbroken over it.

* * *

Castiel stares at the ceiling. The grace churns in his belly, radiating from the nephilim.

"It is male." Zophiel comments, sitting on the opposite bed. His strawberry blonde hair catching the light to make his head appear to be aflame.

Castiel does not respond, wincing as the child kicks. He had woken in a panic, unable to move the lower half of his body when the child had broken his spine, thankfully the radiating grace had knit back together his bones.

"What will you name him?" Zophiel asks. Castiel blinks because he had not even thought of names. In heaven, if a new angel was formed from grace then they were given names of angels that had previously fallen.

"John." Castiel says it before he realizes. Dean would name him that, if he was part of the child's life. He would have stuck to tradition and had named him after his fallen father.

"Johnny." Zophiel smiles, and it's soft and sad. Cas likes the nickname. Johnny. His stomach aches, and he doubles over, grunting in pain.

"I'll bring the tea." Zophiel says softly. Tea seemed to help sooth the restless fetus withering around in his womb.

"Thank you." Castiel winces, wiping at the tears that force their way from his eyes. Zophiel hesitates before jogging down the stairs. Castiel can hear him babbling to Luke, asking the younger male to make the warm drink.

* * *

Gabriel is throwing a fucking fit.

"What do you mean? Where is my brother?!" Gabriel is being loud and drawing attention. Sam tries shushing him, floppy hair falling in his face as he bends down to haunch over the smaller man.

"Gabe, shut up." Sam hisses. Not as many are paying attention in the small cafe, random outbursts are common now. Angels were all affected differently from the fall, some of them had symptoms that were nearly seizure-like in intensity, while others were completely unaffected, like Gabriel.

"We need to go-" Suddenly Gabriel stops shouting, and his brow is furrowed. His eyelids flicker as he brings up a hand to his forehead.

"Tell us what you're hiding, Gabriel." Dean's sure of it. He's been watching Gabriel, and Gabe isn't good at keeping secrets. A millennium of saying whatever the hell he wants makes it difficult to hold his tongue. Dean's watched him stumble and stutter of this secret for weeks now and he wants to know.

"Nothing, it's nothing." Gabriel sighs, and rubs at his temple. Sam leans back in the booth, long legs crammed up under the table.

"I think we should stick around for a bit, give Cas some time to come around. Maybe he has some memory loss? I mean ... Cas wouldn't say no to you, Dean." Sam suggests. The implications make Dean's face burn, because he thought he'd done a pretty good job of hiding whatever was between him and Cas a secret.

"Well, he did." Even Dean can hear the hurt in his voice, he clears his throat and chugs the beer he'd ordered.

"I'm gonna go to the sanctuary." Gabriel says softly.

"What, to like convince him? Cas is just as stubborn as Dean." Sam snorts, toying with the paper that had been around his straw.

"No, I'm going to live there. I can't leave my brother." Gabriel says curtly, mind made. Sam jolts at that, eyebrows shooting up.

"Gabe, you were in a sanctuary for almost a year! You hated it!" Sam looks frantic, he won't admit it but he's always had a soft spot for the trickster. They had some weird bonding experience while Dean was dying a couple hundred times all those years ago.

"It's my brother, I'd go to hell for him. Micheal and Lucif- He's all I have left." Gabriel says stiffly.

* * *

Castiel lays on his bed. He has little else to do while he waits impatiently for the child to finally birth. He's unsure how the birth will happen, but Zophiel had asked Luke to teach him how to use the internet. A caesarean surgery was looking like the most likely course of action. With modern medicine the chances of Castiel dying where low.

But Castiel did not trust his human vessel, without grace flowing through his veins. If he died during the surgery, he did not know who would care for the child and the though made him feel anxious.

Castiel's ankles are swollen, and his stomach aches. He has to urinate frequently, because Johnny has recently taken residence on top of his bladder.

Castiel sighs as he gets up to use the restroom, again. He looks out the large victorian windows of the house.

Luke is pressed against a tree, even from this far Castiel can make out the dark blush staining his cheeks as he speaks quickly and softly to Zophiel. Zophiel is standing too close for the action to be anything other than intimate. Zophiel had already begun courting Luke, frequently touching him and staying close to his beloved.

Castiel had wanted to warn Zophiel, to tell him that humans were beautiful but fickle creatures. But Zophiel was already ensnared with the younger man, large eyes tracking the youngers every movement, just as Castiel had been enamored with Dean all those years. It was painful to watch, to say the least.

"Zophiel will be unable to bear offspring with his mate." Nuriel is at his side suddenly, startling him. Castiel jerks sharply, before settling. The child twitches in his belly at his panic.

"Luke is a human male." He reminds Nuriel carefully, she forgets simple things.

"As are you." Nuriel hums. All angels are able to birth offspring, their bodies are fertile for life and once bonded it is expected to have a child. The heavenly chorus is in constant song in praise of these births. Angel's who are impregnated do not swell and ache as human women do. Their grace is a steady thrum and the child grows slowly, sometimes taking over a hundred human years. Anna had been pregnant when she had first fallen, the child had died.

"The child is half angel and half human, it's ..." Castiel didn't know how to finish.

"An abomination." Nuriel said with a tiny smile on her face. Castiel flinches when she places her palm on his round stomach.

Castiel is about to speak when he sees a yellow car pull up to the house. Shiny copper hair glints in the sun, and Luke and Zophiel pull apart from their nervous frantic kisses.

" _Gabriel_." Castiel croaks, and Gabriel had always been one of his most beloved brothers. When Lucifer and Micheal had begun the war, and Gabriel had vanished Castiel had been heartbroken.

"The archangel?" Nuriel asked, her usually dull eyes flared brilliantly with recognition and lucidity.

"Yes, my brother." Angels had stopped calling each other brother and sisters once fallen. Realizing that the human equivalent was not the same. Castiel wobbled down the stairs as fast as he could, already hearing the voices outside.

"Geeze, don't trip Big Red, you might cause an earthquake." Gabriel quipped to Zophiel as he appeared with Luke scowling at his side.

"Gabriel!" Castiel clamored down the last stairs and eagerly pulled his brother into a tight hug. All of the ex-angels where shocked silent by the blatantly human action. But Castiel didn't care, he had missed his brother and was so relieved to have someone at his side again. He had been so lonely, and so frightened and now he was just ... relieved.

"Hey, little bro." Gabriel said softly, almost pained. He dropped his bag and curled his arm around Castiel.

"It is good to see you, again." Castiel murmured into his shoulder. Gabriel's breath was sweet.

"What did you do? Swallow a watermelon?" Gabriel snapped, eyeing his belly with fondness. Castiel laughed as he led his brother inside. The ache in his chest loosening just a bit.

"And who is this?" Nana asked, shakily coming down the stairs. Sidriel worriedly watches her, trying to keep his face blank.

"My brother, Gabriel." Castiel introduces. Nana had not mentioned the roundness of his belly, only making a brief comment to Luke to watch Castiel's food intake. Castiel was not gluttonous, but with the strong child twitching constantly in his belly he did consume more human food than the other ex-angels.

"Welcome." Nana smiles, her round face covered in soft wrinkles.

"Will you be staying with us, Gabriel?" Nana asks, and she moves forward. Sidriel places a hand on her shoulder to steady her when she sways. Castiel had hated him when he had first come to live at the sanctuary. But the tenderness he showed to their caretaker was touching, and proof that he did in fact have emotions.

"Yep, I'll be bunking with Cassie." Gabriel elbowed his younger brother. Castiel blinked up at him in shock. He had expected Gabriel to come and visit, but to stay? His brother was not one to settle down.

"He needs someone to take care of him." Gabriel said pointedly, and Castiel felt his face burn in humiliation. Gabriel  _knew_. Gabriel knew he had let Dean bed him and in doing so he had gotten pregnant. Castiel looked away as Gabriel spoke to Nana and Luke about staying at their sanctuary.

* * *

Dean feels his little big brother heave him up.

"Come on, Dean. Stay with me." Sam's breathing hard. Dean tries to answer, but he's wheezing around his broken ribs. He wonders if Cas's enochian is shattered.

"Fucking vamps ..." Dean tries to say but it's a slur of words in his own ears. Sam half drags him to the Impala.

"You didn't get bit, did you?" Sam asks, shoving him into the passenger seat. Dean had gotten bit, quit a few times. But he hadn't drunk any vamp blood so he wouldn't turn. Not again.

"M'fine." Dean manages, coughing up some blood. It runs down his chin and he's too weak to wipe it away. Sam shoots him a worried look as he starts the car.

"We have to find the nearest hospita-" Sam's voice cuts off, in the back mirror there is several vamps approaching. Sam curses loudly.

"Hold on!" He shouts, and Dean feels his car rock forward before they peel out onto the road. He passes out before they hit concrete.

Dean's dreams are of Cas. He dreams about Cas a lot. Imaging them together, sometimes they're fucking sometimes they're sitting in a shitty motel just drinking and talking.

But this dream is of Cas standing at the edge of a spring, above a tall waterfall is pouring cool water into it. The further the spring reaches out from the deep middle, the shallower it goes. Cas's feet are in the water, smooth stones under him.

"Cas." Dean calls. Cas looks over his shoulder, his eyes reflecting the cool waters.

Cas doesn't say anything but he holds out his hand. Dean moves to the edge of the water but he doesn't go any further, he can't. He's not sure why he knows, but he knows that if he touches the water than Cas will vanish.

"Cas, get out of the water." Dean's dream self tells the angel. Cas is wearing his old outfit, trenchcoat trailing in the water as he stands. Dean thinks that he could nearly reach him and pull him back to the safety of land. But the gaping hole in the center of the spring is getting bigger, and it's making Dean panic.

"Cas, come here." Dean demands, and he's getting worried. He reaches for Cas, but Cas doesn't take his hand.

"I love you." Cas says, and fuck that makes him forget his panic. His breath stutters in his chest and he nearly steps into the pool of water.

"What?" He blurts, eloquent even in his dreams.

"I love you." Cas repeats, and he takes a step out further, not looking at Dean anymore but staring up at the waterfall solemnly.

"Come back," Dean croaks, and Cas isn't listening.

"I have caused so much suffering ..." Cas murmurs and it's low.

"Cas, come here!" Dean's getting desperate and he's right on the edge of the water. But his body is screaming at him to not get any closer.

"I do not deserve this, I do not deserve happiness. I do not deserve you." Castiel wrenches his hands into the front of his shirt, over his stomach. Dean doesn't understand, but the deep hole is only a few feet ahead of Castiel and it's getting bigger.

"Castiel!" Dean doesn't care what his body's telling him, Cas is in danger. Dean lurches forward and as soon as his foot steps into the water the hole expands into a giant gaping crater, the water pours down it. Cas is right at the edge, he looks over his shoulder to Dean one final time before stepping into the darkness.

"Dean, wake up!" Sam screams. Dean jerks up so sharply he knocks forehead with his brother, them both grunting in pain. Dean reaches up and flushes when he feels hot tears still leaking from his eyes.

"Are you alright, man?" Sam asks worriedly, rubbing at the dark mark on his forehead. Dean quickly smears the tears away.

"Fine, I'm fine." Dean tries to dismiss, but Sam's worried eyes are locked on him.

"You kept saying Cas's name ..."

"I'm fine." Dean lies, rolling over with his back facing his brother.

* * *

Gabriel is a saint. Zophiel had been clueless on how to aide Castiel in his back pains and swollen feet. But Gabriel is able to comfort him both physically and mentally. The new sense of security helps to calm the child in his womb.

"Here yah' go." Gabe hands him a large glass of lemonade, plopping down onto the porch swing beside him.

"Thank you." Castiel settles the glass on top of his ridiculously large stomach. He has trouble even walking now he is so big, he no longer can hide the majority of his belly under baggy sweaters. Both Luke and Nana have put him on a diet, but Gabriel and Zophiel sneak him food.

"He's a strong baby." Gabriel hums, laying a hand over Castiel's stomach. Gabriel shuts his eyes as the grace from the child brushes his palm.

"Not a baby, a  _nephilim_." Castiel corrects, the word nephilim in itself was a curse. An abomination in the eyes of their race.

"Well, this  _nephilim_  is the most heavenly creature in existence." Gabriel says. Castiel's eyes widen at that. There where no more angels, but there was still this child half angel and half human. But human wasn't correct either, half Winchester.

"I hadn't thought of that." Castiel admits, because the last vestiges of grace in existence where lurking in Johnny's still undeveloped form. It was frightening.

"There is hope, and it all because of you Castiel. I'll protect you both with my life." Gabriel is terrifyingly serious. Castiel stares at him before nodding. He does not want to tell his brother that the fall of their kind was all because he had been tricked by Metatron, because he was a naive fool. He did not deserve such devotion from his brother.

"Thank you." Castiel feels the guilt settle on him heavily. He will not tell his brother the truth because if he does not survive giving birth, he needs to be sure that the child will have a guardian. He can think of no one better than the previous archangel Gabriel.

* * *

Dean has to stay in the hospital for two days before Sam finally agrees to sneak him out. His nightmares are growing in intensity every night. Dean's pretty sure he's just pissed at Cas for leaving him, but they keep getting worse.

Dean wakes up in a cold sweat, his body trembling and his sheets soaked. Sam's sitting up in the bed across the motel room.

"Dean?" Sam asks, alert even though he's just woken up. Years of training with dad kicking in. ' _Get up, get packed, three minutes. Go._ '

Dean shuts his eyes against the memories.

"Nightmare." Dean dismisses, and he would lay down and try to go back to sleep but his bed is soaked in sweat. He stands and starts for the shower, but Sam isn't having it.

"You haven't had nightmares like this since purgatory." Sam scowls, and Dean winces at that. The memory of Cas's hand slipping out of his own while he left him behind, left  _Cas_  behind. It still made him sick, just thinking about it.

"Drop it, Sam." Dean's voice is hoarse and he knows he must have been yelling in his sleep. How long had Sammy been watching him?

"No, Dean. I'm worried, something going on with you. You haven't been sleeping, you've barely been eating. Is this about, Cas?" Sam gets out of bed and he looks so damn worried, like Dean's falling apart. But Dean is fine, so it just serves to annoy him further.

"Not everything in my life revolves around Cas." Dean snaps, trying to move around his massive brother, Sam doesn't budge.

"But right now something is going on, and I want to know what. You've been half dead for the last month. That was a rookie move in the vampires nest," Dean grinds his teeth and looks away, he had hoped Sam hadn't seen how distracted he had been. "And Gabriel was acting really weird too before he left for the sanctuary. I think we need to go back and see Cas. He might have some answers."

"I'm not going back, he chose to stay with his family." Dean spits out the word, and it's never tasted to vile in his mouth. Family was Sam, and Bobby, and Ellen, and Jo. Family wasn't supposed to be Cas abandoning him for strangers he had met after the fall. Cas was family, Cas was so fucking crucial to their little dysfunctional group, or what remained of it. But he had fucking left by choice, and Dean wishes he was dead so at least he didn't have to live with the fact that Cas left him. Just like everyone else.

Dean clenches his hands, because he's so fucked up but it's true.

"Dean I know he hurt yo-" Dean moves before Sam can finish the sentence. He slams Sam into the wall, Sam is instantly resisting. Both of them wrestling against each other.

"Stop pretending that you don't care!" Sam screams, and Dean shoves him hard. Sam falls against the wall, his breathing ragged.

Dean grabs his jackets and head out into the night, ignoring how his damp clothes chill him to the bone.

* * *

Zophiel is in a panic over his bedside, looking back over his shoulder to where Luke is banging on the door. Castiel's in so much pain everything feels numbed and slowed.

"Stay awake. Breath." Gabriel instructs. Luke bangs harder on the door when Castiel screeches as another contraction hits him.

"What is going on?!" Luke roars, hitting the door as hard as his human strength will allow.

"We need to take him to a hospital." Zophiel murmurs worriedly from the corner of the room, looming like a shadow.

"No," Gabriel's voice is sharp. "They're still packed with angels and if one of them recognizes him, if they feel the grace of the nephilim. They will be killed." Gabriel's voice is nearly drowned out by another ear splitting scream. Castiel wonders if this is what he sounded like when he first tried to speak to Dean and the glass had shattered.

Zophiel is silent, but he looks at Castiel worriedly.

"This is what Metatron wanted. He was counting on Castiel to keep the child and now his vessel won't be able to deliver the kid." Gabriel rubs at his face. Castiel clings to his elder brothers wrist, tears leaking from his eyes.

"Kill me, please." Castiel coughs, because it's almost impossible for him to speak. He's fading in and out of consciousness. The pain so intense it jerks him out of his coma.

"We'll have to cut you open." Gabriel says, and Castiel's watches Zophiel flinch hard.

"Gabriel, you'll kill him." Zophiel's voice is hard, he won't let Gabriel do it.

"We have no other choice." Gabriel says, and he stands going to get an arm full of towels and fills a large bowel with water.

"We can take him to the hospital." Zophiel says.

"The humans will take one look at his human vessel, swollen with child and be just as disgusted as our kind. If they do help him with the birth, he will be taken from us after and experimented on." Gabriel's voice is tight, sure of himself.

"You can't possibly-"

"I've been on earth for a few thousand years. Humans are vicious to the unknown." Gabriel dismisses.

"Gabriel! Don't-" The last thing Castiel feels is his brother putting the blade into his belly.

* * *

Dean wakes up with a scream stuck in his throat. Sam's on him in a second, gripping him hard by the shoulders.

"Dean!" Sam shouts, trying to get his attention. But Dean feels sick, his head aches and he's covered in sweat.

"Cas ..." Dean scowls as soon as he hears himself murmur the name. Had his nightmare even been about Castiel? Probably, but he couldn't remember now. He only knew his head hurt and Sam was looking at him like he grew a second head.

"Did you have a nightmare about, Cas?" Sam asks slowly, like Dean's a child. Dean jerks out of his hold and rolls back onto the bed, not facing his brother.

"Gotta stop letting you watch doctor Phil." Dean slurs, pretending to be sleepy. But his heart is skyrocketing in his chest, and his stomach's clenching uncomfortably like he might have to barf. Sam sits on the edge of the bed, watching him for a few minutes before going back to his side of the motel room and falling asleep.

Dean stares at the dirty curtain until seven in the morning, his head buzzing painfully.

He pretends to be asleep when Sam wakes up, Sam moves silently around the room before leaving to go for a jog. Dean finally sits up in the bed, and rubs at his stiff neck.

"You probably can't hear me ..." He speaks aloud into the room, not even bothering to close his eyes. He stares down at the blankets gathered on his lap.

"I miss you, man. I know I was being a dick, but-" Dean cuts himself off, glaring hard at his hands.

"Come back?" It sounds too close to begging so Dean shuts up. He falls into a fitful sleep for half an hour before him and Sam pack up and get back on the road.

* * *

Everything is blazing with pain. Like when Castiel had first touched Dean in hell and all the filth had burned out of him from his shoulder and cast itself upon Castiel like a virus. Castiel had been angelic back then, and had easily dissipated it. But he thinks that that moment of pain would feel similar to this, extended and magnified ten fold.

When Castiel does wake up, he is in a hospital. His stomach has been stitched shut, and it burns so deeply.

"The child." He tries to say, but it comes out as a croaked groan. Luke sits up in the chair he had been dozing in. His short blonde tufts sticking up messily around his expressive eyes.

"Cassie." He breathes, and the nickname from Gabriel has seemed to pass to the other inhabitants of the house.

"How are you feeling?" Luke asks, he reaches to a little tray and pours Castiel a cup of water. Cas sips at it carefully.

"Like my insides have been mauled by a thousand hellhounds." He admits, and Luke's dark brows raise.

"That bad, huh?" Luke says with a small smile, he looks relieved. Castiel jumps sharply when Zophiel speaks, having not seen him in the corner of the room.

As large as Zophiel was, he had an unnerving talent to remain unseen, even as a human.

"Did you see the angel who attacked you?" Zophiel asked. Castiel let's the confusion slip onto his face for a moment before realizing that they had lied to Luke.

"No." He says stiffly. Luke scowls.

"I still don't understand why they locked us out of the room, when you where injured." Luke snaps, glaring at Zophiel over his shoulder.

"Angels are used to taking care of their own." Zophiel says patiently, and it's layered in truth so it's not a total lie.

"Where is Gabriel?"  _and the baby_. But Castiel let's his eyes speak for him.

"Gabriel went in search of your assailant in the woods, he should return shortly." Zophiel murmurs meaningfully. Gabriel will return with the child. The grace will be pulsing within the baby, and Castiel can only pray that the other angels can not sense it.

"How long have I been here?" Castiel asks, trying to sit up, and crying out in pain and his skin stretches. Luke shushes him, helping him back down. The young man chews on his fingernail as he watches Castiel worriedly.

"A week." He says, and Castiel's eyes widen.

* * *

Kid's fucking suck. Gabriel had taken care of Cas as a fledgling, knowing that God had a very special destiny for the little rebel that would. Cassie had been the sweetest most obedient child, eagerly following Gabriel and Micheal around.

But Johnny, the kid was as loud and obnoxious as every other damn Winchester Gabriel's had the displeasure of meeting.

"Shut up." Gabriel grunts, shoving a finger into the boys mouth. The child huffily accept it, and suckles. Gabriel sits in the abandoned house, a disarray of child food and blankets and diapers spread around him. Zophiel had brought them a few days ago, looking at the child in wonderment and reverence.

The kids eyes are all messed up, one is green and the other blue. He has a dark mop of hair that is all Cas. Gabriel begrudgingly admits the kid is a cute little fuck.

The wailing shrieks start up again, and Gabriel groans. Rocking the kid, and standing up from the nest he had made from blankets. He walks around the shoddy house. Jiggling the kid.

"Rock a bye baby, shut the hell up. Please be quiet, before I fuck your shit up." Gabriel hums. The baby continues gurgling, Gabriel sniffs him and he smells clean. He reaches down for the bottle and the baby eagerly guzzles down the milk.

"I just fed you, fatty." Gabriel sniffs, sitting cross legged in the nest. Johnny gets about half way through the bottle before falling asleep, little milky breaths puffing against Gabriel's collar.

"You're a lot cuter when you're asleep." Gabriel smiles, brushing his knuckle over a round rosy cheek. Zophiel should be coming back tonight with more supplies, hopefully a pacifier so he can cork the kid.

* * *

Dean looks across the bar to the woman, watching her leer at him. He gulps down the large shot and breathes out heavily through his nose.

"Take it easy." Sam says, but he's grinning. Dean rolls his eyes and grins back, its been a good day. Sam and him haven't been fighting, they've had some easy hunts that have gone good and they saved a big family from a spirit yesterday that made Sam practically glow.

"Getting ready for the main attraction." Dean says, nodding to the pretty blonde. Her tits are pushed up and nearly pouring out of his dress. Dean can't wait to press his face into her soft skin.

"What?" Sam's smile immediately falls.

"Do I have to explain the birds and the bees to you, again?" Dean asks, trying for teasing. But he can see that Sam's bitch face is coming on full force.

"Dean, you're with Cas." Sam says in a near hiss, eyebrows drawn together irritably. Dean stiffens at that.

"In case you forgot, Cas fucking left me ... us. Cas left  _us_." Dean tries to rectify the slip up, but Sam's already latched onto it, hazel eyes wide.

"Dean you can't just-"

"Drop it, Sam. Cas is gone, and I'm not gonna join the convent hoping he comes back." Dean blurts, slamming his glass down. Sam stares at him hard, and Dean waits for him to change the subject.

"You're a fucking dick." Sam declares, throwing down some money and stomping from the bar. Dean orders several more shots.

* * *

Castiel finally gets to go back to the sanctuary. Luke had informed him that Gabriel had found an angel baby abandoned in the woods. Luke was smart, and he eyed Castiel speculatively but made no other comment. It was also pretty common knowledge that angels didn't use infants for vessels.

Nana greets him, giving him a small shaky hug.

"Welcome back, pumpkin." She smiles, dentures firmly in place over her gums. Castiel will never understand human's obsession with teeth but he hugs the small elderly human as best as he can with his still healing body.

"Thank you." He says, and he has to force himself to not ask for the child. Zophiel carries him up the stairs, Luke sets down the wheelchair at the top step and Zophiel deposits him in it. They wheel him into the room.

A loud crying fills his ears. His hands tremble as Luke wheels him into their bedroom.

Gabriel is sitting on Cas's bed, holding a bundle wrapped in a white sheet.

"I remember when you where this tiny." Gabriel says without looking up, trying to soothe the crying child. Castiel can't speak. Gabriel stands and brings the child to him, and Castiel feels hot tears slipping down his face. He did it, he managed to save the nephilim. The last vestige of hope his race have to return to heaven.

"He's beautiful." Castiel murmurs, and as soon as he speaks the child stops crying. He turns wide mismatched eyes to Castiel. They are unnaturally focused for an infant so young. Gabriel lowers the bundle into Castiel's still weak arms. Castiel cradles the baby to his chest, feeling the hot tears slide down his neck. Nuriel appears at his side, watching the baby with her dull lifeless eyes. He holds the child closer.

"Eh." Johnny whimpers, reaching for him. Castiel allows the child to paw at his face, tiny fingers touching the stubble he hasn't shaved.

"You must really like babies." Luke says tightly, and he knows. But he doesn't say anything else. Just watching them softly. Castiel chokes on a laugh and hugs the child closer.

* * *

Dean feels like the biggest fucking piece of scum to walk the earth. He had gotten piss drunk and had blurrily fucked the blonde from the bar. He had waken up smelling like perfume and liquor, and it made him sick to his stomach. He didn't know why he felt like shit, because he and Cas weren't together. He could do whatever the fuck he wanted.

But he still felt like a sleazy cheating asshole, and he wanted to drive all the way back to Cas's sanctuary and beg him for forgiveness.

"Looks like we got some Wendigo activity." Sam says over his laptop. Dean glares at the ceiling, he had given up pretending to clean his guns and all the metal parts were scattered over his bed.

"Awesome." Dean grunts sarcastically, and Sam sighs.

"Do you want to talk about it?" Sam asks, and Dean snorts loudly before he can even finish the sentence.

"Sure, Sammy. Can you paint my toenails while your at it?" Dean snaps, and it comes out too harsh to be playful. Sam purses his lips.

"Whatever." Sam says, and he's trying to be tough. Just like Dean taught him, but Dean thinks he might have hurt his feelings. Dean hesitates before letting out a slow breath.

"I did something bad." He starts, but Sam's pissed off already and he can hold a grudge for years.

" _You_  doing something bad?  _Impossible_." Sam bitches, and Dean rolls his eyes.

"I fucked that girl." Dean admits softly. Sam jerks his head up, hazel eyes shocked.

"Dean-" He whispers, like he's so shocked he can't even raise his voice.

"I was drunk." Dean adds, like it might help.

"That doesn't matter, Dean." Sam scowls, and he looks disgusted and that fucking  _stings_.

"Me and Cas aren't together-"

"Then why have you been wallowing in guilt for the past three days?" Sam's tone is viscous, and there isn't an ounce of sympathy in his eyes. Dean swallows thickly, and starts assembling his gun to distract him. He hates letting down Sam, but he can't imagine how bad Cas would react if he found out.

But it would be even worse if he didn't react at all.

"Look, I fucked up. I get it." Dean stands, and wipes his clammy hands on his jeans. Suddenly the rooms too hot.

"No, Dean. I don't think you do." Sam says with his lip curled, he turns and leaves before Dean can get another word in.

* * *

Cas is mesmerized by the child. His mismatched eyes blink up owlishly. The shape of his eyes are similar to Dean's, but the thick dark lashes are more similar to Castiel's vessel. He has Dean's jawline, but Jimmy's long straight nose. He's a beautiful child, and he spends much of his time starting up at Castiel silently.

"Geeze, he's definitely your kid." Gabriel comments, swiping up Johnny before Castiel can protest. He is still to weak to move around much. Johnny starts sniffling as soon as leaves Castiel's arms.

"Little cranky today?" Gabriel cooes, rocking the child. Johnny makes grabby hands and paws at Gabriel's face. Gabriel loves the nephilim, constantly complaining about the child but none the less seeking it out nearly hourly.

"Is it natural for human children to be so flushed?" Castiel asks worriedly, and Gabriel rolls his eyes. The other day the child had sneezed, and Castiel had nearly popped a stitch from how quickly he rushed the baby to Luke for inspection.

"He's perfectly healthy, Cassie. Maybe a little too healthy, must be his grace." Gabriel smiled. Castiel had transferred the last sliver of grace his body contained, the bit that Metatron had left in his uterus to the child. It had swelled and grown as the Nephilim did.

"I wonder if he has wings that our human eyes can not comprehend." Castiel murmurs. Gabriel hesitates before nodding.

"Probably." Gabriel hums, and the childs wings can probably be viewed by humans but only if the boy wills them into this dimension. Castiel wonders if he inherited his dark blue wings.

They sit in silence, watching the child settle against Gabriel and mouth at air until Gabriel shoves a knuckle into between his shell pink lips. Castiel finds it endlessly amusing that Johnny mistakes Gabriel's fingers for teets.

"When are you gonna tell Winchester?" Gabriel asks. Castiel freezes, fingers clenching in the blanket draped over his knees. Gabriel looks up and watches his reaction.

"Are you?" Gabriel demands.

"How did you know?" Castiel croaks, flushed with humiliation. Johnny senses his unease and begins wailing. Gabriel hands him over, and the baby settles on whimpering softly instead.

"You rebelled against heaven for them. It wasn't too big of a leap that you'd spread your legs for one, or both." Gabriel shrugs. Castiel lifts Johnny to rest below his jaw, nuzzling the silken dark hair. Gabriel is exactly right, he had been a whore for the humans. He would do anything for Dean, and when he had said so ... Dean had challenged him.

' _Anything, Cas?_ ' Dean had asked, voice slurring slightly. The southern accent both boys tried to hide slipped as well.

' _Anything_.' Castiel had answered, allowing Dean to pull him down onto his lap. That had been the first night, there had been many more. Mostly with Dean inebriated, or acting inebriated. Dean liked Cas to take him in his mouth, sucking until Dean's semen stained his throat and face. Sometimes Dean would tell him to leave it, and see if Sam noticed.

"It was just Dean."  _Only Dean, always Dean_. Cas looks away. He loves the man more than humans should be able to love, worship is perhaps a better word. But along with humanity, has come new feelings that have damped the obsession to become something warmer. Something almost tangible when good memories of him and Dean arise.

"You should tell him he's a daddy." Gabriel says, flopping down on the bed. The white curtains from their room twist in the warm breeze. Johnny looks at them intensely.

"No." Cas says stiffly. He won't tell Dean, because Dean never wanted this. Dean was a hunter, through and through. Dean hadn't wanted Ben or Lisa, why would he want a broken angel and a bastard of heaven?

"Dean is a hunter, he doesn't want to be a father." Castiel's voice is too soft to his own ears, pained.

"Why don't you let him make that decision." Gabriel asks. Castiel doesn't answer him. He can't let Dean make that decision because the rejection will be more than Castiel can bare. He would rather raise the nephilim on his own. It would only add more guilt to Dean's shoulders when he eventually left them.

"He is my child, I birthed him." Castiel says greedily, cupping Johnny's small pudgy body to his chest. The child is getting girthy. Castiel remembers Sam saying that both he and Dean had been chubby children.

"Alright, whatever you say." Gabriel throws up his hands, but he still looks at Castiel with judgement.

* * *

5 years later ...

Dean likes the bunker, it's safe and he and Sam have started a sort of headquarters here for a few trusted hunters. They aren't even worried about demons breaking in because they put a spell on whoever comes in, so that if they come within several feet of a demon than they literally forget where the hideout is.

It's come in handy, not that they need it. All of fucking hell could try and bust in and it wouldn't do much. The place is locked down and whenever Sam finds a new spell, or sigil he throws it around the place as an extra layer of protection.

"Krissy's stopping by, found a cursed object down in Louisiana." Dean relays to his brother.

"Oh yeah?" Sam says, not even listening as he taps away at his computer. Helping a hunter with some research on the ghoul-like monster he's hunting that seems unkillable.

"Yeah, she's pretty hot now. She's almost eighteen." Dean adds nonchalantly.

"That's cool." Sam intones, still focused on his laptop. Dean sighs dramatically, glaring over at his brother. Talk about negligence.

"Maybe we should take a break. Go on another road trip." Dean suggests. They are still hunting, but they usually only pick up the jobs within a few days travel of the bunker.

"Grand Canyon?" Sam says, and Dean grins. That's always been a goal, and one they just can't freaking seem to accomplish. Shut down Lilith, Queen bitch of hell? Check. Lock down Lucier? Done-zo. Stop the apocalypse? No problem. Go see a big hole in the ground? It can wait a few years.

"Sounds like a plan." Dean's giddy, because as cool as their whole new set up is. It's kinda boring just sitting indoors all day. They don't actually do anything but work. A road trip might be nice.

"Sioux Falls is on the way." Sam lies, because no it's not. It's five hours north, while they'd be going West.

"Drop it." Dean warns, already trying to evaporate from the room before Sam get's damp eyes and his voice starts cracking with emotion.

"We haven't seen him in years, Dean. We should at least make sure he's alive." Sam spits. Dean ignores him.

"Well I'm going, you can either come with me or not." Sam informs, heading to his room to start packing. This has been long time coming, and Dean's surprised that he's managed to push it back this long. But he does want to see Cas, he wants to more than he'll ever admit. His weird staring problem, and his obsession with coffee and burgers. Dean wonders if he still has his round little belly because it was really cute.

Deam may have fantasized about fucking Cas while rubbing at his pudge.

"Are you coming?" Sam yells from the other room. Dean hesitates all of three seconds before heading across the bunker to his own room.

"Yeah, I'm comin'." Dean breaths, already feeling the nervousness take a hold of him.

* * *

Castiel runs as hard as he can, he finds that jogging is actually quite beneficial for his human body. Sweat pours down his temple as he runs, leaping over a log.

He likes running through the woods especially. He thinks that Sam used to like jogging as well, and Dean would mock him for it. Castiel wonders if Dean would mock him too.

The house comes into view. The large two story home with white pain that's chipping from the blistering summer heat. Zophiel and Luke will need to repaint.

"Daddy!" A loud voice screeches. Castiel halts in front of the house, waiting for the little boy to round the long porch and down the stairs.

"Gabe took m-my candy." Johnny sniffs, gripping Castiel's running pants. Castiel crouches down. They had long ago stopped trying to keep Johnny from calling him daddy in public. The boy was a Winchester and stubborn. Castiel just told Nana and Luke, and the other angels that it was because he raised the child. Castiel was sure that Luke knew, Johnny had inherited most of his features. But he still played ignorant.

"Repeat the sentence slowly." Castiel suggests. The stutter Johnny had had gotten better with Castiel's careful coaching. He had used the internet for information on how to help his son communicate. The stutter had been so distinct for his first four years that he was nearly impossible to understand. Johnny didn't speak much too strangers, knowing they couldn't understand him.

"Gabe took my fucking candy." Johnny pouted. Castiel sighed.

"No cursing please." Castiel frowned, placing a palm on his head and brushing his fingers of silky black hair. Gabriel was a terrible influence.

"I want some, p-please." Johnny whined, digging his little fists into Castiel's leg. Castiel started into the house, Johnny following closely to his side.

Gabriel was reclining on the couch, Nuriel at his side. The organic hard candies that Castiel had purchased for his son rested in his elder brothers lap. Castiel plucked them up, and dropped one into his son's palm. Johnny scrambled to catch it and grinned widely, a deep dimple hooking into his cheek.

Sam had the same one, it seemed the genetic mutation had passed down to the nephilim.

"Hey!" Gabriel protested.

"You shouldn't steal from him, you'll give him a complex. I asked you to babysit for one hour and you can't even do that properly." Castiel reprimands. Gabriel groans and rolls his eyes. Most of the angels had moved out by now. The government set up programs for jobs and free classes to help them learn every day tasks. Castiel had attended many, learning how to survive on his own.

Nana had died two years ago. Luke had been devastated. She had left the house to him, and he had continued to run it smoothly.

Zophiel had proposed awkwardly at dinner one night. Luke had turned a bright pink and had muttered a 'fine' under his breath that had made Zophiel sag in relief.

Nuriel was doing better, her bouts of aggression had vanished. But she was still vacant for the most part. Gabriel and her had formed a strange friendship.

Sidriel had left with the other angels, moving to the city up north. He still visited much to everyone's surprise, evening bringing Johnny a toy car from the factory that he worked at.

"He ain't my kid, tell Lulu and Zoph to stop fucking for five seconds and to watch the brat." Gabriel complained.

"M'not a b-brat!" Johnny stuttered, glaring at his uncle. Gabriel stuck out his tongue, revealing a candy and Johnny gasped in outrage.

"Luke!" Castiel called up the stairs. The young man jogged down the steps.

"What's up?" He asked, running a hand through his hair. Johnny looked up at him with a bright smile.

"Wanna play g-g-godzilla?" Johnny bounced around his feet.

"Is uncle Gabe being a dick again?" Luke cooed, tugging Johnny up into his grasp. Johnny was large for his age.

"Please refrain from such vulgar language." Castiel growled, rubbing at his temple.

"Rainstorms flushing away the filth of humanity." Nuriel whispered.

"Nuriel's right, you can't censor american english! Freedom of speech." Gabriel argues. Castiel huffs.

"I'm positive that is not what she meant-"

"I get her, right Nuriel?" Gabriel elbowed her slightly.

"Correct." She smiled smally, turning to look outside. Zophiel came down the stairs.

"John, I have completed the fortress you requested I build." Zophiel informed stiffly. Johnny hooted, clamoring out of Luke's arms and out the back screen door.

"You finished the tree house?" Castiel worried, he had asked Zophiel to make it low to the ground in case Johnny fell out.

"Yes." Zophiel smiled.

* * *

Dean stared at the house at the end of the dirt road. It was old and rickety, a two story where some rich family probably lived a hundred years ago. It sits in the middle of a clearing, but trees are surrounding it from almost all sides.

It's a nice place, a little beat up, but nice.

Dean likes the wrap around porch, and tall windows.

"Are we going to admire the infrastructure all day, or are we gonna go see Cas?" Sam asks tiredly. They'd been driving for hours.

"He's not gonna want to see me, Sam." Dean snaps, running an angry hand through his hair. He doesn't see anyone around the house, the rocking chair on the front porch is empty.

"How do you know?" Sam rebukes snippy, hazel eyes stern like Dean is acting up. Dean huffs out a anxious breath.

"I just do, alright?" Dean mutters, rubbing a thumb over the worn steering wheel. Sam is quiet beside him and Dean peers at him from the corner of his eye. Sam's staring at the house with a confused look.

"A kid?" He asks softly, almost to himself. Dean follows his gaze. The only tree in the clearing is behind the house and to the side, half way between the house and the dense woods. It's a large oak, and a rickety tree house has been built in it's branches.

The boy's no older than five, and he's too far to make out any distinguishing features but he's a got short black hair sticking up all over his head like little spikes. He's climbing down from the tree house and running across the clearing back to the house, he stops short when he sees the Impala parked.

"Now we definitely have to go." Sam intones. But Dean's ignoring him. He can feel the intense focus of the boy, standing in the tall grass staring at him with familiar eyes.

The boys screams something to the house, and suddenly the empty porch is filling up.

Gabriel comes out first, looking suspiciously to the car and squinting against the sun. The tall angel with orange hair comes out next, stepping off the porch in long strides and beckoning the child to him. The kid doesn't listen, staring hard at Dean.

A blonde kid comes out, talking a mile a minute and looking worried.

Then Cas comes and Dean's breath rips from his lungs. Sam makes an amused noise beside him, but Dean can't even register it.

Cas is wearing dark jeans and a white button up shirt with the sleeves rolled up. Whatever weight he gained is gone, he looks healthy. Healthier almost than when he was an angel, his face is free of the stress lines he always had as an angel, the stern set of his jaw has vanished. His hairs a little longer than Dean remembers him keeping it as an angel, slicked back at the sides, but some of his bangs fall over his blue eyes. Big blue eyes staring right at Dean.

"Cas ..." Dean murmurs, and he thinks he sees Cas whisper his name. Dean starts the car and makes a u-turn. Sam screaming at him the whole way.

* * *

Cas can't see much, only the silhouette of the Impala. Sam's long hair and Dean's tell tale broad shoulders in the driver seat.

"Dean." It's out before he can stop it, almost pleading to the figure in the distance. The car parked just outside of the clearing, on the dirt road.

"Johnny, go inside." Castiel says quickly, but before he can finish the sentence the car is wheeling around, brakes screeching.

"Fucking moron." Gabriel hisses. Castiel flinches hard, and he knows it's not directed at him. Dean's leaving, again. He should be relieved.

"Who is that?" Johnny demands, serious little face tilted upwards to Castiel.

"Nobody." Cas lies, because Dean Winchester is many things, but a nobody is not one of them.

"Then why do you look like you're gonna' cry?" Johnny asks, all traces of his stutter gone. It happens from time to time, more frequently as he ages.

"An old friend, he won't be coming back so don't worry." Castiel pats his head and leads his son inside, he can't help but looking back over his shoulder one last time just to be sure.

* * *

"You are the biggest fucking coward!" Sam shouts, and he's red faced and sweating and Dean thinks he's gonna burst an artery any second now.

"Just shut up, Sam." Dean sighs, parking the car in their shitty motel. Why hadn't he just stayed at the bunker? Helping hunters on cases and getting pie from the little diner in town.

"I'm so sick of your shit. You think you can just shove it all down, just keep it all bottled up!" Sam's got him by the shoulders and Dean's getting pissed now.

"Yah' damn right I do! We're Winchesters, that's how we keep going forward!" Dean screams right back. Sam's not backing down though, and it's making the hackles on Dean's neck rise.

"What about Cas? Huh? You think he's gonna bottle it all up, Dean? You think he's fine with moving on? Because let me tell you something, we abandoned him-"

"He  _chose_  to stay with his  _family_." Dean snarls out the words, using them as curses.

"No. You fucked up somewhere along the way, Cas is fucking loyal to a fault. He wouldn't leave us. We need to go back and make this right!" Sam screams, and Dean sees tears in his eyes. Sam hasn't cried in a long time, and it scares him. His fists unclench, from where he was about to deck his little brother.

"We need him back Dean. You're so unhappy without him." Sam's voice breaks, and Dean feels like his spleen is being ripped out. He'd thought he had done an A-fucking-plus job at hiding it, hiding how much he missed his dorky little ex angel. His pride had kept him from going back and now it was too late.

"Sam, I can't fix this." Dean rasps, eyes squeezed tight. Sam's still holding his shoulders and it's the only thing grounding him.

"You can." Sam sounds so sure, and it makes something burst in Dean's chest that he hadn't felt in a long time.

Hope.

* * *

Castiel doesn't sleep that night, tossing and turning in bed. Since most of the angels had left, there was plenty of room at the sanctuary. They each had their own room, except for Luke and Zophiel who had decided to 'roommate'. The noises that came from their room indicated differently.

"D-D-Dad." Johnny whispered. Large eyes terrified. Castiel jolts upright, gathering his son up into his arms.

"Tell me what's wrong." Castiel orders in a panic, Dean's unannounced visit had him more jittery than usual.

"N-Nigh-t-t-t-mare." Johnny trembles, and Castiel holds him closer, tucking him down into the nest of blankets and pillows. Johnny curls against his chest, mismatched eyes focused on his collar.

"Would you like to discuss it?" Castiel asks into his temple. Johnny's hair might be his color, but it's Dean's coarse texture and it scrapes against his lips.

"You died, I couldn't s-save you." Johnny grunts, cheeks flushed with shame. Castiel scowls, pulling him closer.

"Explain." Castiel hums, rubbing the boys back where his wings are hidden.

"You were b-b-burning, and I was too small to r-reach you." Johnny's voice is laced with self disgust much too strong for someone so young. It makes Castiel shut his eyes in pain.

"If you did manage to reach me, you would only burn too." Castiel tried to reason.

"Better we burn together." Johnny huffs stubbornly. Castiel sighs, stroking his hair. The boy relaxes under the human contact, his breathing steadying.

"Was I on a stake?" Castiel asks.

"S-Steak?" Johnny hums in delight.

"Like a post. You said you couldn't reach me, was I elevated?" Castiel explains, pulling the covers closer around the boys chin.

"No, you where on the c-ceiling." Johnny mumbles, drifting off to sleep. Castiel's throat tightens and he stares at the ceiling in horror.

* * *

Dean's just getting out of the car, feeling a sick nervousness in his gut when the glass window above shatters. Sam curses as glass cuts his forearm, but Dean can't focus on that when something bright flares above.

Fire.

Dean's kicking down the door and racing up the steps before he even is capable of feeling terror. The door to the room is bolted tight. Sam's right behind them and their combined weight breaks the door.

"Daddy!" The kid from earlier is screaming at the top of his lungs, he's drug a chair on the bed and is reaching for Castiel. The chair topples over and the kid falls off the bed and onto the ground

Castiel screams in pain. Sam's got the kid in his grasp and is out the door before Dean can blink, and then Dean's up on the bed and grabs Castiel's hand yanking him with all his might.

"Dean!" Cas is sobbing, and a fat hot tear falls onto Dean's cheek. The flames burn hot around Dean and they lap at his sides. But Cas is fucking burning, his back has mock wings made of flames spreading across the room and about to envelope him.

"I'll get you down!" Dean croaks, and he grabs Cas's hands and lifts himself up. He plants his feet on the ceiling and pulls. Cas falls hard on top of him. The wings burst on the ceiling and Dean rolls them off the bed and pushes Cas under him. He screams as the flames make his skin bubble and blister. Cas help him up and they drag themselves from the room just as it explodes. Zophiel picks them up and drags them down the hall as the house goes up in flames. Dean passes out before they reach the bottom step.

* * *

The kid said 'Daddy'. Sam's panicked and scared, and he hopes to fucking God that Dean can save Cas but he has to get the kid out of the house first.

Daddy? Did Cas become a surrogate father?

Sam sometimes wishes he could turn off the switch in his head. Wishes he could have a one track mind like Dean, because Dean was always so fucking determined. But Sam had to be thinking about a million things at once, and never devoting all of his focus on anything.

Did he adopt? Probably not. The kid was probably a supernatural creature that the sanctuary took in, and Castiel happened to be the most nurturing. Sam could see him doting on a kid, he practically babied Dean.

"Stay here." Sam says, and the kids face is bleeding from his fall. A large gash on his eyebrow. Sam turns to go back in the house before he hears a yelp of pain.

"Thought you guys where gonna stay holed up in that bomb shelter for the rest of your lives." A female demon is holding the kid tightly by his hair. He digs little finger nails into her wrist but she ignores him.

"Let him go." Sam says and he knows it won't work, but it's worth a try.

"No can do. Cute kid, I can see the family resemblance." She notes, and it makes Sam reel back in confusion. Was the demon suggesting he and the boy were related? Maybe trying to pull another 'half brother' trick. Sam was still researching ways to get Adam out of the pit.

"Who the hell are you?" Sam demands.

"The names Dante." The demon grins cockily.

"Well if it isn't Inuyasha himself." Gabriel says from the porch, amusement heavy in his voice.

"Fuck you, Gabriel!" The demon snarls, letting go of the kid and lurching for him. He slams into a force field around the house.

"You didn't really think that angels wouldn't ward against demons did you? Even half breeds like yourself can't pass this." Gabriel sneers. Dante snarls back, pacing in front of him.

"Don't worry, Sam. Dante's a big softie." Gabriel smiles at the half demon, leaning over the porch.

"Doesn't that make him an anti-christ?" Sam asks, taking a step back.

"Sure does, he's sealed up nice and tight though. Momma Abbadon doesn't want her favorite little boy wrecking havoc without her permission. He's sort of defected." Gabriel explains.

"I'll fucking kill you!" Dante roars, clawing at the force field.

"You'll love this Sam, he's a demon who refuses to kill innocents. Likes to act tough but he wouldn't hurt a fly, would you Princess?" Gabriel mocks.

"But Cas-" Before Sam can finish asking his question, both Dean and Castiel are being drug outside. Gabriel snorts.

"Couldn't even do that right." Gabriel sighs like he's disappointed.

"Shut up, I was just supposed to get the kid. The fire is Belith's duty." Dante grumbles, black eyes flickering to Gabriel almost guiltily. Sam thinks that Dante must be young, judging by his behavior.

"You were supposed to help, dick weed." Belith, another demon appears. Fingers blazing with flames.

"I don't like getting my hands dirty." Dante shrugs. Belith hisses, clawing at him. Her flaming fingertips swipe a few centimeters from Dante's face. Sam's never seen two demons fight before and it's fascinating, the movement jerky and graceful at the same time, with rapid attacks that are too fast for the human eye.

Nuriel steps out onto the porch with a large bucket of water that she promptly throws on Belith. The she-demon howls in agony, lips curling back from her teeth in a snarl before she vanishes.

Dante breathes out in relief, turning to look at the boy over his shoulder before he vanishes too.

"That kid's gonna be trouble." Sam says aloud. The flames in the upper room had miraculously gone out after the two demons left. Sam feels his shoulders sagging as the adrenaline leaves his body.

"Already is, before we fell he was raising all sorts of hell ... in hell." Gabriel grins. Sam shakes his head and goes to Zophiel.

"Get them in the car, we'll take them to the hospital."

* * *

Dean wakes up to a warm hand holding his.

"Hey, how you feeling?" Sam asks, immediately dropping his hand. If dad was still around he would have gotten a lecture for it, and Dean should probably say something but he doesn't.

"Like I did a back flip onto an AED." Dean winces, feeling the heavy bandages on his back. Sam's lip twitches in the corner, and he tries to hide his smile.

"It was a demon, her name was Belith." Sam says, ignoring the lame attempt at a joke. Dean watches the relief flicker over his brothers face before he settles back in the chair.

Dean wants to ask, but he holds out for a few more minutes.

"Sounds too close to Lilith, did you gank her?" Dean turns over and groans as his back alights in pain.

"Don't move around too much, your burns were pretty bad. No, Nuriel-one of the angels, dumped holy water on her and she took off." Sam recaps, twisting a nervous hand in the blanket a nurse must have draped over his legs.

"We'll have to go hunt her down once my back heals up." Dean grunts, wincing as he continues squirming. Just like Bobby and John he fucking hates hospitals and he'd bitch at Sam for bringing him if his back didn't hurt so damn much.

"We know her name, it should be pretty easy." Sam shrugs, but he looks distracted.

"Where's Cas?" Dean blurts, and it's too eager and obvious he's wanted to ask it since the second he opened his eyes. Sam doesn't say anything but he does give a small sad smile.

"He's fine. Better shape than you, his burns are only on his upper back." Sam grins, looking at Dean like he just got caught reading Shakespeare or something equally embarrassing.

"The kid okay?" Dean asks, because he remembers the little boy desperately reaching for Cas and toppling off the bed when the chair started shaking.

"Yeah." Sam says tightly, his lips going grimly white as he stares down at a spot on the wall behind Dean.

"Something you want to share?" Dean asks. Sam looks up and hesitates before answering.

"He called Cas 'Dad' in the room." Sam says softly, concern tracing his face. Dean stiffens on the bed.

"Probably just some kid the Sanctuary picked up and Cas has been playing daddy day care." Dean tries to dismiss, but a splinter of doubt has wormed it's way into his head.

"That's what I thought." Sam agrees, but doesn't look settled. He shifts in his chair leaning forward.

"But the kid kinda looked like him." Sam says slowly, and he knows all about genetics and shit like that. Dean jolts in the hospital bed and tries to sit up.

"You trying to tell me Cas knocked some chick up?" Dean's voice is roughened with pain, and he knows that Cas wouldn't. Would he? Something ugly claws it's way from his chest up to his throat. Jealousy, he thinks. 

"It's probably just a coincidence, I didn't get a good look at him anyway." Sam dismisses, but Dean wants to jump out of the bed and go find the kid for proof.

"I want to see, Cas." Dean murmurs after gathering all of his courage.

"He left the hospital yesterday while you where sleeping." Sam admits wearily.

* * *

Zophiel and Gabriel are already half way finished with reconstructing the room that was burned from the demons. Johnny is exceedingly clingy, little fingers wrapped tight around Castiel's hand.

The nephilim had gotten stitches, but the wound had healed so rapidly that Zophiel had to cut the little wires himself so the doctors wouldn't be suspicious.

"What if t-t-they come bac-ck?" Johnny grumbles, and any progress they've made in his speech has regressed during the traumatic experience.

"I will protect you." Castiel promises, or attempts to. The last time demons had come, the Winchesters had miraculously showed up in the nick of time as was their specialty. But what if they weren't there? Could Castiel really fend off demons in his human vessel?

He hadn't needed to, staying clear of anything supernatural related by putting up wards and sigils around the house. One of the demon sigils had been worn away and Castiel had been too lazy to fix it, this was his punishment.

"Who w-where those g-guys?" Johnny asks, small frown making him look too weary for a child of five.

Castiel doesn't know how to answer? Sam and Dean Winchester weren't just men you could explain in a sentence or two. They were brothers, warriors, protectors. Sam was kind, cruel,  _calculating_. He was intelligent, and viciously protective of his loved ones. He was only in his early thirties and he had lived through more than any person should ever have to.

But Dean. Dean was everything.

Castiel didn't realize he was crying until small fingertips reached up to curiously trace the salty droplets sliding sideways down his face.

Johnny has probably never seen him cry before.

"They don't matter." Castiel doesn't think he's ever told a bigger lie in his entire existence.

* * *

It takes Dean  _forever_  to heal. The burns on his back or ugly, and obvious, not as bad as he was expecting. He'll have them for the rest of his life, but he got them from trying to protect Cas so it's not too bad.

Dean is tired all the time, from the nauseating medications paired with his body desperately working at stitching up the gaping hole burned into his back. So it takes him about a month to heal.

"I want to go try seeing Cas again." Dean declares, he's been up walking around for the past few days. Still a little weak, but feeling a lot better.

"I don't think that's such a good idea." Sam doesn't even look up from his laptop, and Dean's shocked silent for ten whole seconds before he gets pissed.

"Why the hell not?" Dean demands, because wasn't Sam the one playing millionaire matchmaker for the past few years trying to get him to go track down Cas?

"Because,  _Dean_. Last time we went to go see Cas we got his house set on fire." Sam spits, like it's obvious. Dean swallows the thick lump in his throat.

His immediate response to argue, to tell Sam to go fuck himself. But he's right. Cas had been living in his little old house with his brothers and sisters and a kid and having a good old time making tree houses and going grocery shopping.

And the second Dean tries to worm his way back in, things go up in flames. Literally.

"I don't need you to sign a fucking permission slip." Dean bites, and it's choked off and weak, but Sam's looking at him with pity and he looks just as wrecked as Dean feels.

"We should know better Dean, we can't lead normal lives and we can't make attachments. It only gets people killed." Sam murmurs. Dean stares at him before nodding, and he turns around and goes back to his room, locking himself in.

* * *

Dean's crawling out of his skin. Sam can see it. He can see the way that Dean stares at things for two long, brow furrowed. He can see the way Dean sighs more often and how he sort of sulks and doesn't talk much. All of his annoying attempts at humor have vanished and Sam misses them desperately.

It's been three months since the fire.

Dean's had a taste of Cas and it's like he's addicted and he's jittery and antsy and he needs to see Cas before he ends up getting himself killed from being too distracted. They don't go on hunts much anymore, but when they do, Sam has to take the lead because Romeo is too busy day dreaming.

"You want to drive up this weekend?" Sam asks, and Dean's bent over the oven making them some grass fed burgers that Sam managed to slip into the cart.

"Where to?" Dean asked, and his voice is vacant and Sam can't take it anymore.

"See Cas." Sam suggests, the blood runs out of Dean's face and he shakes his head quickly.

"We agreed that was a stupid idea." Dean tries desperately but already he sounds human again, pretending like he's not shaking in excitement. Sam gets kinda nervous over how attached Dean really is to Cas. That kinda of stuff gets you killed in their line of work.

Sam's been without Dean before and it just isn't right. He's got to have his brother, and maybe him and Dean are as fucked up as Dean is with Cas but they can't help it. He understands that Cas and Dean are like soul mates or whatever, but he likes to think he holds a little piece of them both.

"Alright." Sam shrugs, just so Dean can pretend like it was his idea all along because he knows his brother's mentality like the back of his hand. If he pushes it, Dean will probably wait another few months before getting squirrely again.

"But I should check in on him, just see how he's doing." Dean rationalizes half way through dinner, and Sam nods once curtly and that's the end of it.

* * *

Castiel hates driving, he doesn't like how the car jolts if he moves his arms too quickly or how he has to constantly shift between gas and break, or the aggressive drivers he thankfully doesn't have to encounter too often unless he makes a trip into the city for supplies.

He does however enjoy the speeds at which he can excel.

It reminds him of when he had wings and would soar over the cities, blazing a trail of clouds behind him. Wings spread as far as they could go, just coasting through the air.

But he didn't have wings anymore and everyday that passed made his memories dimmer and dimmer. Human brains were not built to comprehend the multitudes of existence he had experienced, and some of his oldest memories have faded.

"Don't swallow the seed." He reminded as Johnny gnawed on a cherry pit, too impatient to spit it out.

Johnny shrugged and swallowed anyways. It was so Dean of him, and Castiel flinched hard because sometimes Dean filtered through so vividly it was like Dean's very soul had melded in the boy.

"Listen." He warned the boy, who rolled his eyes. Castiel sighed, even at five he was becoming a handful, too cocky and proud and naive. Castiel bit the inside of his cheek to distract him from the person who had the exact same qualities.

"You're stomach will begin to ache." He cautioned the little nephilim. Johnny wasn't as talkative as Dean. Gabriel said he was shy, but the Castiel thinks it's because of his embarrassment over his stutter that he doesn't speak as much as other children. Not to say he doesn't make it very clear when he is upset, because his temper could match Lucifer himself.

"M'fine." Johnny dryly commented. Another spasm of recognition rippled up his spine and hee gripped the steering wheel lightly. He had done so well about not thinking of Dean, but the man shows up and sweeps into town. Rescuing Castiel like he was one of his damsels in distress, and just like always Dean had left. On to bigger and better things and leaving simple people behind.

Castiel was about to reprimand his son when he slammed on the breaks so sharply Johnny squawked.

"What the h-hell?" Johnny demanded, little brow furrowed worriedly. He followed Castiel's gaze to the front of the Sanctuary where a sleek black car was parked. Zophiel and Nuriel came out of the house as the loud screech of his breaks.

Nuriel reached inside the ratty car and plucked up as many bags as she could carry without a word and headed inside. Zophiel was hot on her trail, carrying the rest. Castiel parked Luke's car, helping Johnny out of his seat belt when he struggled with excitement.

"It's the guys who saved-d-d us!" Johnny cawed, bounding up the stairs. He ripped open the screen door and landed into two sturdy yet slightly bowed legs, Castiel was halfway up the stairs. He watched Dean looks down at Johnny in confusion, mouth open like he was going to ask a question before looking up and catching sight of Cas.

"Hey." Dean's voice cracked, cheeks red and Johnny staring up at him. Castiel wanted to pull his son close and hide him away from the only person in the world who could break him into a thousand pieces with a few choice words.

"Hello." Castiel attempted indifference but accomplished a pained whisper. Dean took a step forward and bumped into Johnny who he seemed to have forgotten.

"Johnny, go help put the groceries away." Castiel requested, of course his son couldn't make it easy.

"You got h-hands." Johnny comments, shuffling his feet and pushing his little fists into his jeans. Dean raises an eyebrow at Johnny before looking at Castiel.

"Johnny." Castiel warns, and the boy puffs out a dramatic sigh and drags himself inside muttering under his breath.

"Kids got cool eyes." Dean's voice is brittle and tense, like it's about to snap any second. Castiel looks anywhere but at him. He keeps moving around on his feet, still standing on the stairs rather than the spacious porch.

"Thank you, for saving him." Castiel blurted when the awkward silence pinched at his skin.

"Me." Castiel added, because really it had been Sam who had taken Johnny to safety.

"You pulled me out of a fire once, just returning the favor." Dean shrugged, and scuffed his boot against the soft worn wood.

His hands were in his jean pockets and Castiel wanted to die.

"Is there a reason you're here?" Castiel's tone is barbed, and he doesn't care about being polite anymore. He needs Dean to leave. It's already too much. Dean's head snaps up.

"Do I need a reason?" Dean becomes defensive.

"Not particularly, unless you always show up at strangers houses unannounced." Castiel says snarkily. Dean staggers back a step, his face stunned before falling into a blank mask.

"Didn't know you were a stranger, Cas." Dean spits and it's laced with barely restrained venom. "Could have sworn you were family." Dean snaps, and he pushes a hand through his hair. Dark blonde spikes raising like a porcupine in defense.

"Five years changes a lot." Castiel says wistfully, staring at Dean. Dean won't look at hims, brow pinched and jaw muscle flexing in anger.

"Five years doesn't change shit, you know-" Dean cuts himself off. The end of his sentence hangs heavy between them, like a pendulum ready to snap down and impale them both.

They stand there in silence for too long, and the bugs are starting their nightly choir. Castiel likes to sit on the porch with Johnny and try to pick out the different insects he can hear.

"You left me,  _Cas_." Dean's voice is small and hurt, and it makes Castiel want to pull him into a hug. To smooth a hand down his back and remind him that Castiel wouldn't leave him for the world.

"I had no choice." Castiel watches Dean snort, looking off to the distance.

"You always have a choice, I gave you that life lesson a couple hundred years ago." Dean grins and he's trying to lighten the mood with his charm and it works which makes Castiel's mood even fouler. 

Dean would remind him of that. How Castiel had in a manner of days rebelled against the entire host of heaven for humanity, for a human, for Dean. 

"Not this time." Castiel's tart reply smears away Dean's small smile, and Castiel wished he hadn't said a word. So long as Dean looks at him like that a little longer.

"Cas you can't just ..." Dean grits his teeth and makes a frustrated noise. Castiel understands, he knows that Dean can't even begin to comprehend them not being apart of each others life. The soul-grace sharing making them bonded for eternity.

Dean didn't understand that the drunken fumbling and sloppy kisses weren't enough anymore. Castiel's chest ached whenever he even thought of Dean.

He loved him too much, and knowing Dean didn't return his affections was too painful.

He had a son to raise now, he couldn't be chasing Dean halfway across the country. No matter how much he wanted to. Dean wouldn't be able to settle down and raise a family, he had tried with Lisa and Braeden and it hadn't worked.

Dean needed his freedom, and Castiel needed security.

They both wanted different things and they couldn't have that together.

"Dean, it's time to let go. We've both moved on with our lives." Castiel said lowly, unable to look at Dean as he passed him to get back into the house.


End file.
